Tang Xiyang's Letter About Green Camp Trip to Yunnan and Loss of His Wife

Mr. and Mrs. Beal Marks and all our other relatives and friends in the States :

I hate myself very much for not having learnt enough English these 14 years since Marcia and I met and married. How I wish I could describe to you in your language the difficult but significant days and nights we spent together before she left us!

Our marriage was like something out of a storybook. A common Chinese and a common American with different cultural backgrounds, different experiences and different characters, speaking different languages--we had almost nothing in common. Nature brought us together by chance. With a long period of patient understanding, cultivation, adaptation and molding we became a very happy couple. Our home was not affluent, but it was peaceful and comfortable. I loved her, and she loved me, my daughters, my son-in-law and my grandchildren. We had common pursuits and common ideals; we wrote books together for common friends and readers.

Just as our warmth and love for each other was growing deeper and deeper, disaster came. She became ill, suffering from cancer of the esophagus. Medical exams showed that the cancer had already spread. My mind was in a great turmoil. Marcia was such a good person, the person I love the most in this world. She had the greatest influence on me. Why does fate torture me so-- politically, in my private life and, worst of all, in depriving me of the woman I love and need the most! In our book, A Green World Tour, we wrote: "Nature, like life, is sometimes smooth, sometimes rough; sometimes pleasant, sometimes severe; sometimes bright, sometimes bitter; sometimes peaceful, sometimes stormy. No matter whether we live lives of unbounded potential or are constantly frustrated, we learn. Nature is a book. Life is also a book. No matter what happens to us or what our path may be, we will find in the end that if we read these books conscientiously we will realize that 'reading these books was worth it'."

On the road of life I must now turn another page. It is a very difficult page but I will continue reading it with all my heart. After thinking the whole thing over for many days, I decided that without cherishing any illusions I encouraged her to get the best treatment. I would give her all the warmth and care I could. Even during her last days I tried to create a pacific, pleasant, poetic and philosophical atmosphere to accompany her to the end. With her encouragement and support, these thoughts of mine were carried forward, culminating in the project of taking college students to a Green Camp in Yunnan province.

To organize college students for a green camp was a project we had discussed for a long time. Three years ago we told our young people in the preface of A Green World Tour, "This book can lead you to cover only a short distance. The road to the future you'll have to travel by yourselves. I believe that among you young people there will be great travelers, explorers, scientists and vanguards for nature conservation -- Chinese John Muirs, Theodore Roosevelts and Sir Peter Scotts." Cancer compelled us to cherish life and time all the more, to continue our journey even at dusk, to give as much and as quickly as possible of our best. It was not enough just to write books. We wanted to teach by example as well as verbal instruction. Marcia supported the project wholeheartedly, and because she could not travel with us she donated ten thousand yuan.

Marcia was a very calm and determined person. She was truly great but regarded herself as very small. Originally I observed her only by the way she lived and worked. She gave up a materially and culturally good life in New York to devote the rest of her life to China. She worked fast and well; her colleagues in the editorial department of the Foreign Languages press said that her work load was as much as that of three foreign experts. But she never assumed the airs of an expert: she went to work on time, fetched boiled water for all, and sometimes cleaned the toilet. Wherever she went she fit right in. The Foreign Languages Press appraised her as an advanced worker. Apart from her work, when she accompanied me only once to the United States, never during her fourteen years did she ask for home leave. She wore clothes that had passed out of fashion in China long ago, ate steamed bread and baked cakes, rode a bike made in Tianjin and wore a Shanghai-brand wristwatch. She went through many unpleasant experiences during those years, from the fleecing of foreigners of their money to the Tian'anmen square incident but never complained. Many foreign experts after living in China for just one or two years would go home to write a book about China upon their return home. But Marcia said, "The longer you stay in China the harder it is to write a book about it." Her love and knowledge of China was profound, and when her friends and relatives in the west came to visit her, she would eagerly tell them about China, but she never bragged about being an old China hand and never published any high-sounding writings.

Now, from the last test of life I have a deeper understanding of her. It was the beginning of November 1955 when we found she was ill. At first she had difficulty swallowing food and was eating less than usual, and sometimes vomited. I suspected it was cancer of the esophagus. My niece, Hongmei who was studying for a doctorate at the Peking Union Medical College, agreed with me. But Marcia refused to go to the hospital for examination, because of Christian Science faith which does not accept medical treatment. I tried everything to persuade her. I asked my daughters and Hongmei and even wrote a letter to bear to persuade her to accept medical treatment. She was very opinionated, saying that she couldn't use two methods, implying that she trusted God only, not medicine. I couldn't hurt her religious belief. Praying to God was her one hope, as well as her mental support in the face of the cruel disease. It may seem right for us to interfere in her religious thinking, but it was harmful to her. So I'd rather swallow the bitter fruit myself--like seeing my dearest jumping off a cliff and not being able to stretch out a hand to catch her.

In the face of this kind of ordeal we needed all the more understanding. I must understand her and also needed her understanding. There was a language barrier between us. Mere actions couldn't convey our profound thoughts. One day Zou Dezi, a professor in the English Department of the Institute of International Relations, came to our home. Her English is excellent. When Marcia and I first met at Xishuangbanna, it was she who served as our interpreter. So we said jokingly that she is our match-maker. The purpose of her coming, as we had discussed over and over, was how to persuade Marcia to receive a medical examination. But Marcia didn't vacillate in the least. I understood her and though disappointed, had to consent to her views. At the time I also asked Zou Dezi to interpret to Marcia what I had thought of for a long time. It includes three main points.

"First, I love you, because you are a good person. You have given me the most help in my life and you have purified my soul. Before I knew you, I was perplexed, tortured and deformed by various kinds of inhuman experiences, unable to find the right direction for my life. It is you who helped to love the greatness of nature and other people. You taught me how to live an active life, to be an honest man and to seek truth from facts. You haven't said these things but you showed me through your actions what I ought to do.

Second, we have shared not only happiness but also hardships. To share happiness is happiness and to share hardships is a kind of happiness, too. Therefore you should not refuse my concern and consideration. When I ask you what you would like for supper, it hurts me to hear you say that anything will do. I'm not pleased to hear an answer like this. You already have difficulty in taking food. Why can't tell me what you would like to eat?

Third, I want to say something about death, for both of us are nearing seventy and should not evade this issue. When I was a child, I felt death was mysterious and horrible and didn't dare to think about it. At that time feudal superstition prevailed. Grandmother, my mother's mother, intended to marry my cousin to me. She gave up the idea later after a fortuneteller said I could only live to age nineteen. She let the girl marry the son of the boss of a pen shop called Peng Sanhe in Changsha, capital of Hunan province. Unfortunately, this young man had TB, and she got infected. In addition her feudal-minded mother-in-law treated her poorly. She died at the age of nineteen. We were bosom friends in childhood but too young to know love. Later, when I saw her wedding photo, she was so sweet, quiet and pretty. I felt sorry for her. She died long ago but I'm still alive, sixty-six years old already. Maybe I can live to be ninety years old. Of course, I do not wish to live so long. It is a waste of natural resources as well as a burden on others. This sounds like a joke, but it is true. What I mean is: In matters of life and death, we can only obey nature, but certainly we should try our best to live and die meaningfully."

Later, I found that she did not like me to talk about death. It was more to educate myself than to prepare her mentally. But through this conversation it seemed as if we had returned to the time when we first fell in love. But, no, it was sweeter, more profound and more lasting than that. The "considerate" feelings rare to Americans burst forth from her being. When she found I was short of clothes or daily necessities, she would go to buy them, and always get the best for me, without consulting me. I loved to eat butter, eggs, frozen stuff buns and dried meat floss. She always got them ready on time, neither too early nor too late. In the past whenever I went out, she always appeared indifferent to my early or late return. But now if I came back late, she always had an anxious look, and would ask, "Why so late?" These minute changes made us feel happy. Since our marriage, our sex life has always been a vexatious experience. I was hot but she was cool. Then we created a way of making love. Before we fell asleep, she would caress me gently. In the course of time this method brought me spasms of delight. Sometimes she would say to me in a voice of regret, "You could find another woman to have sex." I felt very grateful for this kind of love and thoughtfulness beyond convention and assumed an indifferent look, saying in English, "I'm old, too."

Since we got married, Christmas has remained the grandest festival in our family life; even the traditional Spring Festival (which is also my birthday ) was of secondary importance. The guests were relatively regular. All of them were my family members, relatives and good friends, and my niece, Hongmei, would act as chairperson and Santa Claus as well. When the Christmas Day 1995 approached, I dared not believe but realized in a subconscious way that this was perhaps the last Christmas Day for Marcia. Did she have such a premonition, too? Whatever it was, all of us wanted to have a grander Christmas Day that year, anyway. We had placed an order for a Christmas cake from the US by air, and a turkey from a restaurant, and also invited the only Quaker in Beijing, Jonathan E. Mudge of the US Embassy, and a Canadian couple, who could not make it because of illness. There were thirteen people altogether. The chairperson was still my niece but Jonathan played Santa Claus. Before the evening party began, Marcia asked me to read a few paragraphs from the Bible about the birth of Jesus Christ. I took this opportunity to air my views about religion. My speech was prepared ahead of time for a specific audience: Marcia and our children. What I said was:

"First, I like those who believe in religion, certainly I mean those who believe in God whole-heartedly; rather than those who go in for political advantage or those who do bad deeds in the name of religion. My grandmother believed in Buddhism and had a hall for worshipping Buddha at home. She recited scriptures and sat in meditation every day. She did good deeds and persuaded others to do good deeds, too. I think grandmother was a good woman. Marcia has been in China for fifteen years. Her colleagues, friends and many other people praise her for her upright conduct, saying that she is like the model worker Lei Feng -- a `foreign Lei Feng'. In my opinion, it's better to call her a `Daughter of God'. She says when she was young she once claimed ' I am the third', meaning that God was the first, others were the second; and she herself was the third. Then I told stories of how Kitty, Bohhert, Girard, Sullivan, Penny, Carol and many other friends from Christian Science helped us in our Green World Tour.

I went on to say that, in the past ten years and more, I got a deep impression from my work that religion plays a great role in nature conservation. I cited many good examples from home and abroad.

I expressed the view that that the essence of religious culture is the very best part of human culture. For instance, religion advocates benevolence toward others; it stresses spiritual quest rather than material pursuits. Many philosophical interpretations of life, society, human beings, nature and the universe in religion reflect the realities of society and nature from different angles. They are the spiritual heritage that enriches us in our efforts to conserve nature and protect the environment. Then came the exchange of gifts, games and performances, all of which seemed more lively than those in previous years.

After Christmas Marcia's condition grew worse. At the beginning of January 1996 we invited a Canadian couple to live in our house. Marcia tried hard to receive them enthusiastically, with surprising courage and endurance, but it was in vain. She was, however, unable to dine with them, nor even to sit and talk. She felt extremely embarrassed about this. On January 14, Marcia and I went to see our little grandson. My younger daughter Xiaonan, had been married ten years but was childless. She went to see doctors and took medicine but it seemed hopeless. It was not until May 1995 that she a birth to this child whom the whole family had longed for. He is very handsome and lovely. Marcia married me at the age of sixty; when she saw the baby, she seemed for the first time to experience the of joy of a "family". She showed concern for him; she loved him; she named him; she sent his photos to her relatives and friends abroad-- showing that she was a good and caring grandmother. That evening Xiaonan urged her once more to go to the hospital. To our surprise, she consented.

The next day, my son-in-law, Hongmei and I accompanied her to Xiehe Hospital for a check-up which and proved that hers was cancer of the esophagus. From the measure of the focus, her illness had reached the advanced stage. We wanted to have the other parts of her body examined but the doctor thought it unnecessary. On January 29 my son-in-law contacted through private relations some famous doctors, both Chinese and Western, at the Sino-Japanese Friendship Hospital for group consultations. We told her that she was suffering from cancer of the esophagus but didn't mention its seriousness. She accepted treatment conditionally. Everyday she took China-Form No. 1 capsules and I accompanied her to the hospital for radioactive treatment. Except for a week's interruption during the Spring Festival, the treatment lasted seven weeks.

During this period, concern came from all directions. A reader we met only once--Dr.Zhang Shuyi, who just returned from his study in France, said earnestly, "Is there anything I can do for you?. Do you need money? I have money." Jin Jingyuan, an old scholar whom we just knew through our book A Green World Tour, likewise said, " I have some money which I have been saving to buy a house. But I do not need it right now. If you need the money, take it." Dong Zhiyong, vice president of the Wildlife Protection Society, an old friend of mine, sent us a bottle of Yuanbao Maple balm, saying it was a kind of new medicine specially for cure of cancer of the esophagus. My son-in-law's mother at Miluo prayed for Marcia's health. My sister sent us information on Qi Gong (a kind of systematic breathing exercise) from Shenyang. Ni Jian, my "Christmas friend" who had just left for Finland, sent us four hundred US dollars to us and provided the latest information on cancer treatment from the Internet. The information, drugs, folk prescriptions, qigong therapy, etc, which I have received were enough for me to compile a complete volume on cancer treatment. Marcia's belief in Christian Science prevented me from turning to any doctor I could find in this desperate situation. Basically we followed the arrangement by the hospital--to receive radioactive treatment and take China No.1 capsules. Perhaps because Marcia had never used medicine, the medicine was very effective on her. When the course of treatment was over, a wonder appeared. She had no more trouble in swallowing food. She began to eat what she couldn't eat before; at the same time she realized the need for nourishment and ate more and better. I also paid special attention to the quality of her meals. Taking into consideration her eating habits and her need for extra nutrition, I cooked steamed fish, braised beef, and stewed chicken with all kinds of nutrition added to it. I did all these things really more to comfort myself than to cure Marcia's illness.

The improvement comforted me but I couldn't rid myself of my despair. On March 14, we had her examined by ultrasonic wave B at No. 307 Hospital. Doctor Yang Tao, one of my relatives, spent nearly one hour examining her and charged us the lowest rate. Every part of her body that ultrasonic wave could reach was checked. The next woman waiting in line to be checked had had a lot of water. She couldn't hold herself any longer and kept pacing back and forth in great discomfort. She told the nurse, "I 've got to go to the toilet now." The nurse ordered her, "Hold it!". When we parted Yang Tao told me secretly, "The cancer cells have proliferated to the lung, liver, womb, and lymphatic system", Marcia asked me about the result. I could only say "Nothing serious." Although the results were to be expected, I couldn't accept the reality. I wanted to cry but I pretended to be calm; I talked with her, called a taxi, and helped her into the taxi. I couldn't give up hope in the hopelessness--hope for a miracle that probably would never happen.

On March 28, I had her re-examined at the Sino-Japanese Friendship Hospital. Dr. Zhou said to my son-in-law, "It's time to make it clear to her. Only by telling her the whole truth can we have her cooperation." Marcia, myself, my son-in-law, Dr. Zhou and another doctor who spoke English gathered in an office. Although Marcia understood Chinese, but for the sake of clarity and for formality, much was told to her with the help of the interpreter. They stressed that the most serious problem was her liver where the tumor was growing very fast. She must be hospitalized immediately and receive partial chemotherapy ( for she objected to a general chemotherapy). She listened calmly to the doctor, thought for a moment and asked, "Does the hospital provide food for patients?" "Of course." "That's good. My family won't have to deliver food to me." Then she asked one more question, "Can I stay in a general ward?" "No that won't do. There is no toilet there. It would be inconvenient for you to take a bath. You wouldn't be able to listen to music either. "She didn't insist but added, "I'm still well enough to do things for other patients." I sighed to myself, "Marcia, Marcia, oh Marcia!"

For Marcia, deciding whether to enter the hospital was a very important decision. We didn't urge her to make up her mind immediately. When we were back from the hospital, our children all believed Marcia had agreed to enter a hospital. Our family began considering which hospital was most suitable and what medical treatment was the best. Signs of hope had appeared in the hopeless situation. But a few days later, when our family met to discuss the details of her stay in hospital, quite unexpectedly, she told us she was not going. She had decided to ask an American professional Quaker to treat her illness by praying. We were saddened but didn't want to go against her will. We consented verbally but in our hearts we blamed this God. Later I realized that Marcia's decision was correct, for the doctor and medicine could not save her now. What's more, her stay in a hospital could bring her nothing but a mental collapse and speed up her suffering and death. During the last three months and more when she stayed at home, the quality of her life was wonderful. Although cancer tormented her now and then, she was as firm as a rock: she lived, did physical exercises and worked as usual. She read, listened to music, watched the live telecast of the world cup tennis match, and did housework.

She was very interested in fundraising for the Green Camp trip to Yunnan. During the process of choosing the participants of the trip, leaders, and the overall plan for the trip, we ran into many difficulties and obstacles. She said something that moved me very much. "I not going run this in a Maoist way". Yes, we are the ones who proposed and organized the Green Camp, be we are not the parents and guardians of the Green Camp. Therefore we place great emphasis on democracy and allow the students to do things which we personally do not agree with. But during this whole process, I was leaning in the other direction -- in order to show my own devotion to democracy, I didn't speak up when I saw clearly that there was a problem and didn't insist upon what I should have insisted upon. This resulted in a looseness in the organization of the Green Camp and a lack of purposefulness and direction. In the end I had to step in and get some things done. That is not to say that Marcia was wrong; it was just that I lacked experience. I blame myself for it.

Marcia's work never ended. Since her illness was diagnosed as cancer, she had polished English translations of five books and numerous manuscripts. Sometimes she secretly prostrated on the bed or hid herself in the bathroom to clean her swollen wounds, but she never winced or groaned over her pains. She was so thin she could be blown over by a gust of wind but her will was hard as steel. Her attitude toward cancer, death, life and work taught me much and urged me to think more.

After reading A Green World Tour, Xiong Jian, a famous poet, wrote a poem, which goes: "The grass and trees are full of feelings; for life they live, for life they die. Peace reigns when man and nature are in harmony; disaster comes when they are in discord. Time and again we have looked for lost land in the desert; many times our towns have been threatened by floods. If you want to know the rise and fall of the Earth, take heed of the warning that is about to fall."

At first I didn't understand the line "For life they live, for life they die," and even suggested that he revise it. Now I begin to understand that, from the viewpoint of the continuation and evolution of living things and of social development, life and death are both meaningful, valuable and positive. Life and death are both forms of transformation of substance, energy and wisdom. Therefore they are also the ladder on which communities are strengthened, species evolve and society progresses. Suppose there were only life but no death in this world, it would be like there were only death, but no life. It would mean the end of all life, evolution and development. I associate this with the death of the salmon who swim thousands of miles, unafraid of hardships or difficulties or interception by their natural enemies. In the end they are tired out, die the most cruel death, giving all they have to "life ". They create a phenomenon of life that is the most tenacious, most vigorous and greatest in the animal kingdom. In a broader sense, the formation of a new and better community, the birth of a higher animal species, and the maturity of human society all without exception are the result of countless "deaths". Therefore, when we received one after another pieces of terrible but irreversibly true information from the X-ray films, from the eyes of the doctor and from laboratory test reports, we did not shed tears or sigh; we were sustained by a pure love, tacit understanding, rational philosophy and genuine idealism hoping that what we leave behind us a work not just a little better materially but spiritually enriched as well. Some people did not understand the act of going to Yunnan and asked me, "Why are you going so far at this time?" "We are challenging fate," I answered, "Without such a harsh reality, we might not feel pressed or eager to exert ourselves to the utmost." The harsh reality was of course the difficult situation Marcia and I faced. It is also a situation great nature faces. Nature, too, suffers from a disease like cancer. And the cause is none other than mankind, which many people have not yet realized. It is these two cancerous illnesses that have aroused this pressing sense of duty in us.

The time that truly tested us came. The day when we were to set out for the Green Camp was drawing nearer and nearer while Marcia's condition was getting worse and worse. The pathological changes in her liver moved very quickly, completely blocking her metabolism. Already thin and weak, her energy was nearly spent. On July 20, she suddenly got acute enter it is had to go to the toilet five times in one morning. This was too much for a healthy person, let alone Marcia. She was all the more exhausted and I carried her to the toilet cleaned her and got her back in bed. I felt really sorry for her who, a person with a tenacious disposition by nature, was reduced to such a state. In the evening we held a family meeting discussing two questions: one was whether Marcia should be hospitalized; the other, whether I should go to Yunnan. Marcia had always opposed staying in a hospital, but today she didn't object. I thought there were two reasons: one was that she had completely lost the ability of living by herself; the other was that I could not go to Yunnan if she didn't stay in hospital.

She was very firm about my going to Yunnan: "Go!" she said. "I'm a human being. A human being has feelings. No matter how important this trip is, how can I leave you at this moment when you need my help?" I said excitedly. The children all cried but I didn't. Neither did she. She said repeatedly but calmly, "You should go. You've done so much work. All is ready. You should go. You should go." The children obeyed her wish. They were all for my going to Yunnan. Only my younger daughter kept silent all the time. I asked her again, "What's your opinion, Xiaonan?" She looked up and said to Marcia, "Mother, are you really willing to let my father go?" Marcia said in a weak but firm voice, "Yes, I wouldn't be happy if he didn't go." I understood her. She couldn't express her meaning well in Chinese. I added a Chinese idiom which she didn't know," She meant that she would not die in peace if I did not go." Then we made a decision that my son-in-law would be responsible for contacting the hospital. I proposed at the meeting that, with the exception of Marcia, all the family present should go to the opening ceremony of the college students' Green Camp even if they had to ask their work units for leave." I intended to let the children understand our state of mind from this green activity.

The next day, Marcia said to me, "Xiaonan didn't talk yesterday. She must have had some other thought." I rang Xiaonan up and asked, "Marcia said you must have had some other idea. Have you?" Xiaonan replied, "No. I only felt sorry for Mom, that she should let you go at a time like this. She treats herself too unfairly." Unexpectedly, Marcia, who had never before agreed to a public appearance, agreed to make a tape-recorded speech for the opening ceremony. To ensure the quality of the recording, I invited special a correspondent from the Beijing Broadcasting Station to make the recording. She wrote the speech very earnestly. The full text follows:

I'm very proud of all of you. You've all been so eager and willing to help and to cooperate with one another. That's the right spirit with which to begin your trip.

You're off to learn about nature. I hope you won't just admire the grand vistas and spectacular trees and animals. To experience nature you must learn to know it intimately. That takes patience and humility. I remember when I went on a backpacking trip into the wilderness area of the Great Smoky Mountains in North Carolina, the outfitter of our group advised us to learn the names of all the wildflowers we saw. He said if we were to go to a party and found people there we'd never seen before, we would be sure to learn their names and something about them. It was the same when we went into the wilderness-- we should learn the names and connections of everything we saw.

And not just in the wilderness either. One day I was watching the swallows flying back and forth to their nests under our eaves here in Beijing when I suddenly noticed they had red patches between their tails. I immediately looked them up in my bird book and discovered they were red-rumped swallows, a species I had never seen before. We shouldn't be content to say, "Oh, those are swallows; those are sparrows." What kind of swallows; what kind of sparrows? We should honor them with the same individuality we want others to see in us. So I hope you'll not just look through your binoculars at the far-distant objects, but turn them around and look through the other end at the tiny flowers and ferns at your feet. You'll be amazed at the intricate patterns, colors and shapes you'll see. Some are functional, to attract insects and such, but some we cannot explain other than as proof of the enormous diversity of our universe.

Be quiet and let nature come to you. Don't plod on unseeing, unaware. Nature has secrets, and so do you. Your own secrets may be unknown even to you. During your month together you'll learn from each other as well. It can be a harmonious and expansive experience in terms of human relationships just as it should be in terms of your finding your own place in the grand scheme of nature. Learn to appreciate one another and you'll learn to appreciate yourself.

You're young enough to retain a sense of wonder toward the world. Actually, we're all young enough, but sometimes we bury this sense of wonder under cares and concerns that we rather needlessly pursue. Wonder goes along with creativity and inspiration--without it we would have no great writers or artists and no great scientists. Nature not only fosters a sense of wonder, but confirms its truth and validity.

I could say much more, but I don't want to ramble on. My thoughts will be with you constantly, and I shall be anxious to hear all the details of your trip when you return, so keep a journal and keep your hearts open. The more you give during this experience, the more you'll receive."

Marcia's spirit moved us. Our action moved society. College students from Beijing eagerly signed up to participate in the Green Camp. Students of Yunnan University in Kunming and those of the Northeast Forestry University in Harbin also made long- distance calls to sign up. Quite a few reporters, writers and scientists also applied. During a meeting, Yan Ying, a student of the Chinese People's University passed me a note: "My health does not allow me to join in the activity. I'm willing to stay in Beijing to look after Marcia." I was deeply touched so I wrote her a long letter telling her that it's impossible because Marcia had typical American character and would not accept any help offered to her. One after another, people from all walks of life offered us help. I composed the lyrics of ten songs specifically for the Green Camp. Mr. Song Yang, a 78-year old veteran musician, composed music for one of them right on the day he had read them. A few days later, he felt unsatisfied with the tune and set another song to music. Afterwards four more composers set another five songs to music. Mr. Gao Zhenxing, editor of the Toshiba Animal Playground programs of the Beijing TV Station, subsidized 20,000 yuan unconditionally when he heard we had a financial difficulty in the Green Camp. Another unit gave 20,000 yuan anonymously. Craig Kirkpatrick, an American scholar who has made a three-year study of the Yunnan Snub-nosed monkeys on the Baimaxue Mountain, donated his field equipment and 1,000 yuan. Mr. Zhou Song, a bee expert, donated 1,000 yuan, too. l realized it was a month's salary for a Chinese expert and that's more significant than an enterprise which could donate one hundred thousand yuan. I appreciated his kindness but declined his donation.

Information came also from Yunnan saying that Deqin County welcomed us and that the Baimaxue Mountain Nature Reserve had made receiving us one of its main tasks for this year. Parents of the Green Camp students were even more active, some donating medicine, some donating daily necessities, some helping duplicate publicity material, some helping the students polish the outline of speech, and still some inviting some of the students to an informal discussion on how to do investigations well. With the pooled wisdom and efforts of many people, we formed an expeditionary team of nearly forty people with Yunnan as our destination. Mr. Dong, head of the Administration Bureau of the Nature Reserve said meaningfully when meeting us, "Sixty years ago, the Communist Party organized a revolutionary Long March; today, you are making a Green Long March."

July 25 was the day the departure date for the Green Camp. l got up quite early and was packing my luggage. At twenty to seven the telephone rang. Quite unexpectedly, the sad news came from the hospital: Marcia had just passed away. I felt very calm then. The first thought that came to my mind was that I should thank God for not letting her suffer. Lots of people told me that the suffering caused by cancer was extremely horrible. The very information has been torturing me. l even suffered a great deal more than if I myself had had cancer. I secretly bought her some pain-killer pills which are hard to get on the market and made a constant study of her complexion to see whether or not she had come to the phase of torment. At the beginning, when she was in hospital, the doctor asked me whether some emergency treatment should be taken when needed.. I replied firmly, "No." Thank God who loves her. Now she passed away all of a sudden but in extreme quiet. Yesterday she seemed to be a little better. Although this was the first time she stayed in hospital in her life, she had become comfortable with the hospital routines. She had special nurses helping her with the toilet, dining, washing and gargling. She had become fond of those nurses, two girls from the countryside.

After the IV injection, a rosy color appeared on her cheeks; she told me that she had an examination by the B-type ultrasonic exam was done in the morning. She slept like a log during the examination and was not aware of it at all.. For when she woke up she asked me, "when will they give me the B-type ultrasonic examination?" I did not realize then that that this was a serious sign. That afternoon she still received three guests: two relatives, one writer and a nurse who had tended her in our home. She said again to me, "Tomorrow the Green Camp students are coming to see me. Please bring me a comb." I replied, "Tomorrow the CCTV correspondents will follow the Green Camp no farther than to Shijiazhuang, capital of Hebei Province, and then come back; they will catch up with them by plane on the thirty-first. I will go by plane, too and stay with you for some more days." She was silent but judging from her look I think she was very pleased with this decision. When it was almost time for the last No. 50 bus to leave, we said "Good bye" as calmly and softly as we had the day before, and then parted forever.

When I saw her again, she had left this world. I did not want her to leave yet I did not want to see her expressionless face. I covered her head with a white sheet. There stood four bouquets of fresh flowers by the window. I chose the most beautiful one and laid it by her pillow and uttered with a heavy heart my last words to her in a deep voice, "Now you may go to Yunnan with us."

At about ten o'clock, the sedan for the Green Camp was parked at the east gate of the Friendship Hospital. Since there were a lot of people, only two representatives and one TV photographer accompanying the Green Camp went to the hospital building. Each of them held fresh flowers in their hands to say farewell to Marcia. I had thought that this would be a warm, emotional farewell with historic significance. But, to my great surprise, Marcia bid farewell to us in a special way--with her own life devoted to this green movement of China, a great beginning of the green camp which we call a single spark. Guo Yushi, a calm graduate student of Beijing Forestry University, put aside his prepared speech and said to Marcia in English with deep emotion, "You devoted your whole life to the nature conservation of China. We owe our thanks to you, Marcia, your will live in our hearts forever. We will remember you forever. " Marcia could not reply. Guo handed his flowers to me and I put them on the other side. On the left side was her husband's love, on the right the Chinese youths' love. Marcia, you can go to Heaven with no guilty conscience.

We came downstairs. My daughter helped me carry my traveling bag, we went out through the eastern entrance. Students in the bus had no idea of what had happened in the hospital. Seeing us come near, they all clapped their hands warmly. I got aboard with a heavy heart, motioning to them to sit down. I really did not know how to break the unexpected news to them. All of a sudden, partly because the frustration in half of my lifetime had my dried my tears, partly because Marcia's great spirit had shaken me and partly because my mind had been occupied by China's nature protection. Ever since the early morning, I didn't sigh nor feel sad or shed tears. But, at this very moment, facing these young, pure and genuine souls that love and cherish nature, the world and the future, I could hold my tears no longer and they came pouring out like a stream. I tried hard three times to speak but uttered only one word, "the flower you students gave, Marcia is unable to receive the flowers you gave with her own hands......" There fell a silence on the bus. Several girl students started to cry. I do not remember what I had said but afterwards that but I knew from the correspondent's oncoming report that I said exactly what I had said at Marcia's bedside: Marcia will go along with us. The time for the train to start could not be put off any more. No one knew how to bring the solemn and stirring scene to an end. At last I called out, "Start the bus!"

The bus went to Beijing West Railway Station, where lots of journalists, parents, friends and some Green Camp students were waiting. We held a short ceremony beside the train.

At the suggestion of the Green Camp publicist, all of us, with tears in our eyes, observed one minute's silence for Marcia. Then they asked me to speak. I didn't talk about Marcia. Instead, turning sorrow into strength, I said aloud. "I want to make four points. First, to hold high a `green' banner. Second, to summarize in two sentences: one is to travel far and wide, read extensively, take part in a great cause and bring happiness to coming generations; the other is to love nature with all your heart, enrich our knowledge, temper our will power, purify our souls and enhance our capabilities. Third, I have three hopes: I hope that in our Green Camp there will appear one or two heroes in nature conservation; I hope some students will change their life goals as a result of their participation in this activity and devote their lives to environmental protection; I hope some more people will change their values and their outlook on life, on ecology and on the universe. And fourthly, after this activity we will produce four spiritual products: rite a book; a video recording; a photographic show; and an investigation report. In the end I asked loudly, "Can we do these things, all of you? " They replied in chorus, "Yes." Then we got on the train.

The No. 61 Express had run some distance when there came from the train loudspeaker the voice of the tape recording specially made by the Green Camp about nature conservation. On the tape there was a paragraph of Marcia's recorded speech at the opening ceremony. Her voice was so familiar, calm and warm but she had left us forever. No, she is still with us, just beside us, marching forward with us toward the Baimaxue Mountain. Just as she said in the recording, " My thoughts will follow you all the way." The students and I went from car to car collecting rubbish, surveying the environmental knowledge of the train passengers and accepted interviews by CCTV. Very soon, all the passengers knew that there came a Green Camp of university students in Beijing. The head of the train crew was very moved by what we had done and came to express her special thanks. In return we thanked them for their support and gave her a copy of A Green World Tour as a special gift, on which was my inscription-- "We hope the No.61 Express becomes a green train." Eight hours later the train reached Handan, the southernmost city of Hebei Province, and got off. On my return to Beijing, I began to make arrangements for Marcia's funeral. According to her will, we did not inform any relative or any friend. Nor did we hold any ceremony. My children and I accompanied her body to Babaoshan crematorium for cremation. Only Shen Xiaohui, a writer on nature conservation, as well as one of the members departing late for the camp, insisted on going with us on behalf of the Green Camp. We were all silent, putting on her only a bunch of fresh flowers. The flowers stand for our love toward her and went with her soul up to Heaven. Marcia's death, however, became a solemn and tragic event for the Green Camp, and was made known to the public by TV and newspapers, so almost all our relatives and friends in both Beijing and other places knew about it.

On July 30, I flew to Kunming with the TV correspondents and the rest of the members of the Green Camp and caught up with the others. I heard some students were on bad terms and did not unite as one. This was mainly because they were young and naive and somewhat self-conceited plus the bad influence of the public. Many of the Green Camp members felt that they were like a troop without a commander and were awaiting my arrival eagerly. Even Zhe Fu, a writer coming along with the camp said to me, "They are in complete disorder. I really wanted to leave if I was not waiting for you. " I comforted him, "The young people of the '90s aren't like the young people of the '50s." At the gathering of the Green Camp members, I said with profound emotion," I have missed you very much over the last few days. I hear that there is some disagreement among you. It's normal. So long as we hold high the `green' banner, we can always find a solution to problems through democracy and practice. " In order to help the students unite well, I read aloud a paragraph from Marcia's speech -- " During your month together you'll learn from each other as well. It can be a harmonious and expansive experience in terms of human relationships just as it should be in terms of your finding your own place in the grand scheme of nature. Learn to appreciate one another and you'll learn to appreciate yourself." The students often quoted Marcia's words. It can be seen how important and necessary these words were. A girl student, who is the only daughter of her family, failed to be elected into the Executive Committee of the camp because she was conceited and was not on good terms with the others. She cried loudly and wanted to leave for home. She wouldn't listen to others no matter how much the others persuaded her. At last I said, "Don't be disgruntled any more for Marcia's sake!" She finally decided to stay and participate actively in the social and economical investigation group.

During our investigation on the Baimaxue Mountain there occurred a strange phenomenon. Although it was the rainy season in that mountainous area of northwest Yunnan and we had expected a lot of rain, it seldom rained. Even when the rain did fall, it fell at night or when we were on buses. The most exciting thing was catching sight of catching sight of the peaks of peaks of both Baimaxue Mountain and the Meilixue Mountain, which are usually difficult to see at that season. Some other travelers had waited for 20 days and still not seen them But we did. It seems that everything had been done especially for us. Some say that these are mountains, a barrier to the warm air coming up from the Indian Ocean, are the most beautiful mountain peaks in the world. Clouds and mist surround the peaks all year round so it is hard to see what they really look like. Today the peak of the Baimaxue Mountain unveiled herself with a holy, dignified and pretty smile. Young people ran about in great excitement. They hailed and embraced, luring an old man like me into a burst of juvenile wildness and loud cries "Bai--Ma--Xue--Mountain, Here--we--are--." My voice shook the earth and attracted many cameras and TV cameras which recorded our great joy in finally be able to catch sight of it. Zhang Li, a doctorate student of Beijing Normal University, whispered to me out of excitement, "It's Marcia who is waiting for us." Shi Lihong, a China Daily correspondent joined in, "Marcia is among the clouds looking at us. " Still some students told me spontaneously that Marcia was blessing us. They said it so vividly that I couldn't help feeling grieved. In fact, I understood very well that, to a greater extent, we were lucky and not afraid of the rain and hardships.

We all could start our journey on time no matter how heavily the rain fell. No one asked to wait no matter how heavily the rain fell. And since it was rainy season there, it did rain, but the rain stopped by the time we reached our destination. If we were afraid of the rain and tried to elude it, we might always be caught in it. Of course, I had the same thought in my mind as they, hoping that the spiritual tie between Marcia and us would produce a substantial response. Now usually when I go out on a trip, something goes wrong with me -- lumbago, toothache, enteritis, common cold and bruise. This time was different. This time, although some students caught ailments such as enteritis and mountain sickness, I was in perfect health. Did Marcia's kind, gentle warnings affect me? Students took special care of me all the way. "Take care, teacher." always rang time and over again in my ears when I climbed the mountain. For fear that I might get some mountain sickness, some students gave me rock sugar, others gave me chocolate, others glucose. In the evening they gave me a drink of sweet ginger soup. "I am going to get diabetes," I said jokingly.

On August 6, we were going to climb the Mingyong Glacier. When we arrived at Lancang River, there was still a long but steep mountain road. The county has arranged beforehand for a horse especially for me and also sent two strong students to escort me. I decided not to ride the horse and decided to walk at the head of the group. As a teenager I had dodged the Japanese invaders. During my middle years, I was a rightist transformed through labor reform. Now as an old man I run here and there for the sake of nature reserve. I have a lifetime experience in mountain climbing. In addition, before coming here, I had prepared myself by climbing up 100 floors daily. Therefore I walked upward with ease. The seven-people team of ours, chosen out of a competition, took the lead all the way. But "the going is the toughest toward the end of a journey". When we had just a short distance to go, I felt my strength leaving me. But if I was tired, everyone else was tired too.. I had only one thought:: Marcia was afraid of neither cancer nor death. What should I be afraid of ? Spirit can bring strength. This the young ones didn't understand. They couldn't figure out how a man of over sixty had so much strength. Two girl students who had never climbed a high mountain before found that the reason why they couldn't leave Mr. Tang behind because he is twice as old as they are. There were still two strong young men who could surpass me but were ready to let me have the honor to take the lead all the way. After a four-hour climb we reached our destination -- Temple Prince bordering the glacier. The rest of the members came up one after another. When seeing me, each of them would say the same, "Mr. Tang, why did we fail to catch up with you?" The last members arrived at eight o'clock, two hours behind us. "Mr. Tang is the first" became a story on everybody's lips then.

On August 9, We were in Deqin County and received an unexpected letter which, sent by express mail from the Chinese environmental NGO "The Friends of Nature". The letter is as follows:

Mr. Tang Xiyang and all the Green Camp members:

We are extremely saddened and shocked by the news of Madam Marcia's death on the morning of your departure for Yunnan.

This is a moving and tragic bugle call before your start on the journey.

The snow on the top of the Baimaxue Mountain will be the white cloth that covers her; the primitive green forest will become her cycling life. Green Camp members please bring back a bunch of fresh flowers from the mountain for us. We would like to present them to our beloved Madam Marcia.

We beg our revered Comrade Tang to restrain his grief. We ask all the rest to take good care of him. He is our spiritual leader as well as our guide to our action.

May the Green Camp have a victory and be a successful beginning of China's non-government nature conservation effort.

Bai Junchen, Xu Ke and friends from

Friends of Nature

China Atomic Energy Industry Co.

Beijing

July 28, 1996

At the assembly that very evening, I read the letter.

The next day, on the way from Deqin back to Zhongdian, we had to climb over a peak of 4,300 meters above sea level, the highest point on this trip and the highest I have ever climbed. The small car the TV production unit and I rode in ran faster. We stopped at the peak to wait for the others to come. The ethnic Tibetan minority people who live in this area revere the mountains and the hills. They set up their stone-built pagodas, joss incense stick-burning platforms and prayer flags of various colors on almost all the highest scenic spots. This place, facing the Baimaxue Mountain, is no exception. From here, you can see clouds and mountains thousands of miles afar. Bright, beautiful mountain flowers are in full bloom. The landscape reminded me of the letter I had received the day before, which mentioned presenting flowers to Marcia. I stepped onto the alpine tableland which was a sea of flowers indeed. The flowers, though small, assumed a variety of postures and colors. They were the flowers Marcia liked the best. The nature of the mountain flowers were exactly Marcia's temperament, shining, tenacious, pretty but very small.

I remembered how in this same season fourteen years before how we were strolled beside Qinghai Lake. She was so enchanted by the beauty of the wild flowers on the tableland! She had never allowed me to take pictures of her before but this time she asked me to take her picture with the wild flowers. On that day, the third anniversary of our first meeting, we fell in love with each other as we stood together facing the blue sky, the white clouds, the tableland, the lake and the wild flowers. Thinking of this, tears came and blurred my vision so I couldn't see the wild flowers in front of me any more. Tears streamed down my face. I knelt on one knee and cried loudly in the face of the Baimaxue Mountain. I couldn't hold my feeling any longer. I wanted to shed out all the tears that had accumulated during the past two weeks and over the last six months. After a while, I realized the sensitive TV correspondent had followed me here and stood silently behind me filming. I wiped my tears, rose to my feet and picked what I thought to be the ten most beautiful mountain flowers. I felt it necessary to explain, "I've never picked flowers before but these ten I am going to take to Beijing and place inside Marcia's cremation urn."

The sedan came. The news spread soon to everybody. They all walked quietly to the meadow and picked the flowers they loved the even though picking the flowers in nature went against their common values. Some students came over to support me by the arm; others stuffed flowers into my hands; still others wiped away my tears. Nobody spoke as we walked towards the "Ma'nidui" stone pagoda. A Tibetan staff member who had been accompanying us picked some fragrant cypress, burnt it on the joss stick platform and recited aloud prayers in the Tibetan language according to the Tibetan custom. Then someone suggested, "Let's stand together in silence for a minute in memory of Aunt Marcia." The scene that had been very quiet seemed even quieter then. The sky was silent. So was the ground. So were the birds. So were the insects. All present were commemorating this ordinary but great lady who had come from the other hemisphere. What she had brought to the Chinese people was not only her silent devotion during these last fifteen years of silent devotion or the excellent culture and spirit of the Western world, but the `green' seeds she had planted in the hearts of these young people with her life's work. Amidst the fragrant whirling smoke I didn't know what these young people were thinking about but I knew they were thinking seriously. They thought for a long time. One minute passed. Two minutes passed. At last it was me who raised my head and said, "Thank you. Marcia's last words were that she wanted no ritual observance after her death. But today, on the 4,300 meter-high mountain, without a prior engagement, we hold for her such a special memorial ceremony from the bottom of our hearts. I thank you all". With these words I kept a small bunch of flowers and put the rest of the flowers on "Ma'midui". Others followed suit.

May dear Marcia rest in peace. May you bloom like mountain flowers in this world for good.

With tents as our shelter against the wind and the rain, we have had a long but arduous journey. The dream of the green camp is coming true step by step. A spark has begun to shine on this unawakened land of China which is badly in need of democracy, green, and the rise of a new kind of consciousness.

My letter is too long. Here I would like to ask your help concerning three things:

I cannot get in touch with relatives and friends abroad since I do not know English. Therefore, please pass this message to every relative and every friend of Marcia just as Beal has done.

Marcia completed the English translation of A Green World Tour which Marcia and I wrote together but we have not found a Western publishing house so far. She has passed away and I don't know how to go about it.

As for Marcia's legacy, she told me orally with Mr. and Mrs. Zou Dezi interpreting but it was not put in written form at that time. I myself hold in complete respect the American law and Marcia's wish. Even if I have a share of her legacy, I will not keep it for myself. I will donate it all to the nature conservation of China. I had asked Sally Grose, an American friend who visited my home on September 8 to express my intention.

Dear friends, thank your for your deep concern and good wishes. Your concern prompted me to write you this long letter.

With Love,

Tang Xiyang

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Respect for Tradition, Protecting Virgin Forests and Biological Diversity -- Draft Plan for "Student Green Camp '97" Expedition to Tibet

I. The '96 Student Green Camp Inaugurates Green Activism Among the Chinese Public

The famed husband and wife team of environmental activists Tang Xiyang and Marcia B. Marks organized Green Camp 1996 in which mostly university students but also media representatives, authors and scientists participated. The group spent a month in Yunnan Province to protect 100 square kilometers of virgin forest and the Snub-nosed monkey which inhabits it. Through their participation in this activity the group members not only came into contact with nature, the real world environmental problems but also had a very deep educational experience (such an experience for these young people could well influence their entire lives). They brought the results of their trip to the authorities at the county, regional, provincial, and national levels. Through a photo exhibition and extensive coverage of their trip by Chinese and foreign broadcast and print media the trip had an important effect on the entire nation and played a part in the government's decision to stop cutting trees in this forest area. Green Camp '96 was an important innovation in the Chinese green movement. Therefore we plan to carry on the spirit of Green Camp '96 in Green Camp '97.

II. The Theme of Green Camp '97 -- "Respect for Tradition, Protecting Virgin Forests and Biological Diversity"

Participants in Green Camp '97 are anticipated to number about twenty, including university students (mostly from institutions of higher education in the Beijing area but also two university students from Hong Kong and two university students from Tibet). Five more members, including scientists, writers and journalists will accompany the group.

The destination is a heavily forested area in southeastern Tibet. The virgin forests in this area are the last virgin forests left in China. In this area live not only the principal type of plants found in the Northern Hemisphere temperate zone but also the Snow Leopard, the Cloud Leopard, the Red Goral, the Gnu and other species designated by the Chinese government as endangered species. Moreover, this area plays an important role in maintaining water resources, preventing erosion, and preserving the ecological balance in the area watered by the Yaru Zangbo Jiang river. Large scale cutting and excessive clearing for grazing livestock now threaten this virgin forest.

Altitude changes very abruptly in this mostly high-altitude virgin forest. For example, in the area where the Yaru Zangbo Jiang River has many curves the altitude drops from over 7000 meters to 500 meters in just 40 kilometers. If this forest were to be cut, soil erosion would become very serious in the Yaru Zangbo Jiang River region. An area now rich in biological diversity would be devastated.

Once the basic investigation has been completed, we will choose a five person group to walk through the virgin forest region to study the wild animals which live in an uninhabited area in the curves of the Yaluzangbujiang River, to visit the Medog Nature Preserve, and then study problems such as soil erosion and overcutting of timber on the middle and upper reaches of the Nujiang River and the Lancangjiang River.

We intend to explore, through onsite studies, ways to combine the excellent tradition of protecting nature in the culture, religion, folk customs, and daily lives of the Tibetan people with modern environmental

science. On the basis of what we learn, we will suggest to each level of government practical ideas and measures, and through Chinese and foreign media. The success of this movement will have worldwide significance.

III. Planned Route for Green Camp '97

Travel Transport Dates

Beijing - Golmud Train July 20 - 23. We plan to visit the memorial to the

Wild Animal Protection Hero Suonan Dajie on the way.

Goldmud - Lhasa Bus July 24 - 25.

We plan to spend three days (July 25 - 28) in Lhasa resting and preparing for our trip. We will also visit the local government and the Forestry and Environmental Protection bureaus as well as a school seminar.

Lhasa - Nyingchi Bus July 29 arrive at August 1 Township (Tibet Plateau Environmental Station). From July 30 through August 7 we

plan to conduct scientific studies and social surveys in the area.

Nyingchi - Bomi Bus August 8 - August 19. Enroute we will visit Pailong Tianxian,

Cuogaohu Nature Preserve and conduct onsite ecology surveys.

Lhasa - Beijing Air August 20 - 24 return to Lhasa for rest and preparation.

August 25 return to Beijing.

A five person team will set out on August 20 on a hike through Medog, penetrating into the middle and upper reaches of the Nujiang River, Lancangjiang River, and Jinshajiang River. This team will spend an additional month and then return to Beijing by bus and train.

IV. Anticipated Results:

1. Write "Southeastern Tibet Region Ecology and Environmental Problems and Environmental Protection Measures" report of findings.

2. Hold Green Camp '97 Photo Exhibition.

3. Make a television documentary about Green Camp '97.

4. Publish a book about the natural history of Tibet.

For more information contact (time zone U.S. east coast plus 12 hours):